I have some good news and some bad news concerning Kim Kardashian divorcing her husband of 17 minutes, NBA player Kris Humphries.
The good news is that if you are one of the 23 people in the world who still believes anything they see on any TV show featuring someone named Kardashian, you are about to become exponentially smarter. Because maybe now you see it's true what they say -- watching the Kardashians makes your brain leak. And now that you understand these people have the integrity of salivating hyenas, you won't watch anymore.
The bad news is that your cable bill is about to go up. Allow me to explain.
If everything goes right, so many people will be disgusted by this obvious sham marriage (really, you didn't discuss where you'd live before you got married? And his choice was Minnesota?) that the walls will finally collapse on the whole reality show market. People will finally realize there's no such thing as a "reality" show because "reality" becomes drastically altered the minute you introduce so much as a Polaroid camera into the situation. And when camera people follow you 24/7, "reality" becomes as realistic as a leprechaun strolling up to me with a pot of gold next St. Patrick's Day.
Of course Kim and Kris are getting divorced. But that's only after collecting millions for the wedding photos and a two-part special on E! Entertainment Television, which just so happens to broadcast Kardashian's reality show. That it provides rich fodder for upcoming episodes is only a bonus.
Common sense says the whole thing was staged and that Humphries became Prince Charming only because Kardashian couldn't get a more famous athlete to go along with it (at least not one who plays in a major market like Los Angeles or New York). Humphries plays for New Jersey, so close enough. (Why not someone from the Sacramento Kings? You mean to tell me no one would buy Kim Kardashian living in a townhouse in Dixon?)
Last spring everyone knew there would be an NBA lockout this year and Humphries had to get on someone's payroll. Far be it from me to insult a guy who's 6-foot-9 guy and could crush me like an empty eggshell. But we're talking about Kris Humphries, not Kobe Bryant. Besides, she's hot, and it's not like Humphries had anything better to do.
So back to the important part: Your cable bill.
I'm hoping the rapid fall of the Kardashian reality empire will serve to hasten the death of reality shows everywhere. In my dream, television networks will have to go back to making real shows with real budgets requiring real writers with real imagination. (Sort of ironic how many times I just used the word "real," huh?).
The increased cost will get passed on to consumers, who decide to ditch cable entirely because it's too expensive, and choose to live on the occasional Netflix offering. Eventually, they'll decide too much TV is a bad thing and opt instead for a more "realistic" life.
source: Mercury News
