Ricky Gervais has made such an art of pissing people off as the host of the Golden Globes, it's hard to imagine the show without him. Sadly, his sartorial skills were underused during the 2012 Golden Globes. He was suspiciously absent from the stage, and kept his jokes fairly tame when he did get a moment or two in the spotlight.
Still, this is Ricky Gervais, so he was hardly warm and fuzzy. He definitely had us laughing, and occasionally gasping, out loud with his well-placed barbs.
In honor of his hilarity, here are Ricky's five most inappropriate — but fantastic — jokes of the night.
1. His opening speech. All of it. Seriously. We could quote the whole thing, but instead we'll single out our three favorite lines:
On NBC: "Tonight, you get Britain's biggest comedian hosting the world's second biggest award show on America's third biggest network. Oh, sorry, fourth. It's fourth." (He also referred to the struggling network as a "non-profit organization.")
On the Globes, and Kim Kardashian: "The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton: a bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker, and more easily bought."
On Justin Bieber: "The only way he could impregnate a girl is if he borrowed one of Martha Stewart's turkey basters.”
2. How to make it in Hollywood. Ricky took on the entire room when introducing Bridesmaids star Melissa McCarthy: "[Melissa] made her mark on comedy this summer by defecating into a sink. What's amazing is that's still less shameful than what most of you have done to make your mark in show business."
3. On what's really important. Ricky encouraged the stars to keep their speeches short by focusing on the things that really matter: "You don't need to thank everyone you've ever met or members of your family, who have done nothing. Just the main two: Your agent and God.
4. Too much for TV. Ricky managed to push the envelope far enough to get himself bleeped while introducing Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek: "They're ridiculously talented, gorgeous specimens, and they're probably very interesting. I don't know, because I can't [bleep]." Antonio responded with a string of Spanish, so we assume Ricky said something about not being able to understand them.
5. Revealing the evil within. At the end, Ricky gave up on pointed insults, and just started throwing around accusations at random: "What you don't know about him is he's very racist... Also, I've seen him punch a blind kitten. Please welcome the evil Colin Firth."
At the beginning of the show Ricky noted, pretty accurately: "If I offend any viewers...they'll definitely invite me back next year." Well, how do you think he did? Should he be back in 2013?
source: wetpaint.com
